I have been meaning to write another blog for a good while now, but honestly, I didn’t want to take the time alone (often times hours) to reflect on what God was teaching me. The reason: I like to be in control. And when I spend extended time with Jesus, outside of my normal routine, He reminds me that I am not the one who should be in charge. Shocker, right?
Today, on my drive back to real life from my parent’s house, I was listening to “Christian” music … you know, the new year around the corner, trying to create better habits and He used multiple songs to remind me that He needs to be the one in control. That He does have the best plan and purpose EVEN WHEN I don’t see it or agree with it.
I’m starting with Social Media. He has slowly been prepping my heart … I just ignore Him REALLY well. Facebook drains the life and contentment from me. I sit on my phone or iPad for hours each week scrolling and creeping. Hours where I let Satan get a toe into the door of my mind where I question if God’s plan really is the best for me ... “Will my body ever look like hers?”, “Oh look, my 15th friend to get engaged since October.”, “Here is another soon-to-be Mom.”, etc. The worst part is that I KNOW that social media plays a role in my attitude, but I still choose to spend time on it rather than time with Him, family, or friends.
The verses in Romans 7 come to mind about doing what you don’t want to do and not doing what you want to do. My plan: I am going to limit social media to one day a week. I’d eliminate it completely, but it is the way I keep up-to-date with my Lifegroup, talk to my friends from Africa, and see pictures of my niece and nephew. Instead of those wasted hours, I want to make this a year about intentionally choosing to fill my mind with things that point me to Jesus rather than away from Him.
Second, I’m going to reduce my Netflix intake. Overwhelming burden that the time I spend watching TV/Movies/Netflix is time that I am wasting for His Kingdom. I’m not planning on canceling my subscriptions or throwing away all my DVDS … I’m just choosing to not watch things by myself during the week. Again, I want to make this year about intentionally choosing to fill my mind with things that point me to Jesus rather than away from Him.
While I like my comfortable life of Facebook and Netflix, it doesn’t do anything for His Kingdom. And that is my desire - to make an impact in/for His Name - I just oftentimes don’t know what that looks like. But I am beginning to understand that maybe, just maybe, that is the point. To be willing to do whatever or to go wherever the Spirit leads regardless if I have no idea where it will take me or look like.
And (like always) a song came on the radio near the end of my extended time (drive) that absolutely captured my prayer for this upcoming year. It was able to put into words what my heart and mind could not. The whole song is a beautiful and heartfelt cry, but these words seemed to stick with me the most:
... if I'm honest, there's quite a bit of fear
To sit here ... and really hear You
What will You ask of me?
Will I listen to Your voice when You speak?
Help me to move, help me to see
Help me to do whatever You would ask of me
Help me to go, God help me to stay
… And I know that You're faithful
But I can barely breathe, God help me.
To sit here ... and really hear You
What will You ask of me?
Will I listen to Your voice when You speak?
Help me to move, help me to see
Help me to do whatever You would ask of me
Help me to go, God help me to stay
… And I know that You're faithful
But I can barely breathe, God help me.
~ God Help Me by Plumb ~
So 2018, I’m INTENTIONALLY choosing to read, watch, say, and do things that point me to the only One who should be in control: King Jesus.
