No Need To Be Frightened

Recently, I have been spending quite a bit of time reading Young Adults novels. Partly because I teach young adults and want to stay relevant, but also because I absolutely love them! (25 still counts as a young adult, right?!) Most YA novels have the same story line of predictable conflicts & some strange triangle of romance. But a new trend has popped up that I haven't noticed before and that is the idea of a "mate." 

I know what you are thinking: "here she goes talking about romance and complaining about being single." But that isn't what this is about - I promise! 

In these books, this idea of having a "mate" is described as an extremely rare connection. One that is more than love and marriage and having stuff in common. It is a deep, everything about you, everything in you, type of connection. In these books, "mates" are able to communicate through an unseen bond or tether between them.  Almost like they are able to read each other's thoughts and communicate with each other EVEN continents away. I would call them "soul mates" but the modern definition of that seems to not do justice to the connection described in these books. 

After each book, I have sat back and pondered what that would be like. To have a deep, soulful connection with someone. Someone I could connect with/talk to without even having to open my mouth, someone who sees me for exactly who I am, someone I can't hide from, etc. Ten books later, it hits me that I am not just pondering these things because I just finished reading about them ... I'm pondering them because the Holy Spirit is trying to show me something. 

Jesus wants a deep, soulful connection with me. I don't have to open my mouth to speak with Him. He already knows my heart & mind. He has always seen me for exactly who I am, there is nothing that I can hide from Him. 

I think I am terrified of that intimacy. I can be and don't mind being vulnerable with those around me. But to be intimate with the Creator of the world is something entirely different. 

I just finished a book, recommended by my Mommy, called Unseen by Sara Hagerty. (PLEASE READ IT!) The entire idea of the book is about being hidden in a world that loves to be noticed. I want to share a few passages from this book that seem to help explain this idea of hiddenness as well as show why I might be terrified of intimacy. 

This passage describes the author's perspective on how God sees her: 

"He (God) wasn't driving me to produce in such a way that all I saw was the back of His shoulders and His firm gait as He charged ahead of me; He was turned toward me and looking into me with a softheartedness and an ever-unfolding open stance. His face held a gentle expression. Loving expression. Toward me, who was doing nothing for Him." (pg. 21)

The author, Sara, describes how she was always working/serving. God only loved her/saw her when she was being 'productive' in furthering His Kingdom. The passage above shows her change in perspective when she realized that God was not in front of her, back turned walking ahead where her job was to follow behind and be 'productive' in ministry BUT instead He was facing her, loving her, when she was doing nothing at all, being 'unproductive' in regards to Kingdom work. 

I think God is asking me to stop charging ahead and instead, look up at His face. I have served and been 'productive' in ministry for a long, long time. I haven't don't these things because it is my duty/what believers should do. I have served Him because I love Him. God knows that and has been with me every single step of the way. But it feels like He is asking something different now. 

With the new changes coming up in my very recent future (job, place to live, church), the Holy Spirit keeps whispering, "Will you step back from serving and just hide in me? Will you take extended amounts of time and just sit in silence with me? I know that you want to be doing things that feel 'productive' for the Kingdom, but instead, will you take time to speak to me, talk to me, listen to me?"

Sara Hagerty writes,"God designed us to hide in Him, not perform for Him." (pg. 31)

So these YA novels and idea of a mate have brought me back to the Gospel. The Good News that I can live life with Him now. To continually live life in the presence of THE King. A relationship where He knew me before He formed me in my mother's womb (Jeremiah 1:5). Where He delivered me because He delighted in me (Psalm 18:19). 

So why am I terrified of the intimacy He designed me for? Because my flesh screams that if I am not serving Him and being 'productive' in ministry than I am wasting the gifts He gave me/ignoring the purpose He has sat in front of me. I fear that I won't be enough without these acts of service that have always seemed to define my relationship with Him. 

And even as I write that, I see the flaws in that fear. I see the doubt in His grace in those words. I am ashamed and embarrassed that I feel this way. But there is a disconnect between my heart (what I feel) and my head (what I know). 

Jesus knows and sees that disconnect. That is why He is asking me if I will hide in Him. If I will allow Him to use those silent moments, which are 'unproductive' in the world's eyes, to create a deep, soulful connection between us. A connection where He see me, I see Him, and I see myself as He sees me. A connection where we talk all day, about everything, even without opening my mouth. 

In this new, somewhat uncomfortable, season of change, I will cling to the words of one of my favorite songs by Stephanie Gretzinger's: 

"No need to be frightened by intimacy,

Just throw off your fear

And come running to me.

Cause I loved you before you knew it was love

 ... I tore the veil for you to come close."

 

 

What will You ask of me?

I have been meaning to write another blog for a good while now, but honestly, I didn’t want to take the time alone (often times hours) to reflect on what God was teaching me. The reason: I like to be in control. And when I spend extended time with Jesus, outside of my normal routine, He reminds me that I am not the one who should be in charge. Shocker, right?

Today, on my drive back to real life from my parent’s house, I was listening to “Christian” music … you know, the new year around the corner, trying to create better habits and He used multiple songs to remind me that He needs to be the one in control. That He does have the best plan and purpose EVEN WHEN I don’t see it or agree with it.

I’m starting with Social Media. He has slowly been prepping my heart … I just ignore Him REALLY well. Facebook drains the life and contentment from me. I sit on my phone or iPad for hours each week scrolling and creeping. Hours where I let Satan get a toe into the door of my mind where I question if God’s plan really is the best for me ... “Will my body ever look like hers?”, “Oh look, my 15th friend to get engaged since October.”, “Here is another soon-to-be Mom.”, etc. The worst part is that I KNOW that social media plays a role in my attitude, but I still choose to spend time on it rather than time with Him, family, or friends.

The verses in Romans 7 come to mind about doing what you don’t want to do and not doing what you want to do. My plan: I am going to limit social media to one day a week. I’d eliminate it completely, but it is the way I keep up-to-date with my Lifegroup, talk to my friends from Africa, and see pictures of my niece and nephew. Instead of those wasted hours, I want to make this a year about intentionally choosing to fill my mind with things that point me to Jesus rather than away from Him.

Second, I’m going to reduce my Netflix intake. Overwhelming burden that the time I spend watching TV/Movies/Netflix is time that I am wasting for His Kingdom. I’m not planning on canceling my subscriptions or throwing away all my DVDS … I’m just choosing to not watch things by myself during the week. Again, I want to make this year about intentionally choosing to fill my mind with things that point me to Jesus rather than away from Him.

While I like my comfortable life of Facebook and Netflix, it doesn’t do anything for His Kingdom. And that is my desire - to make an impact in/for His Name - I just oftentimes don’t know what that looks like. But I am beginning to understand that maybe, just maybe, that is the point. To be willing to do whatever or to go wherever the Spirit leads regardless if I have no idea where it will take me or look like.

And (like always) a song came on the radio near the end of my extended time (drive) that absolutely captured my prayer for this upcoming year. It was able to put into words what my heart and mind could not. The whole song is a beautiful and heartfelt cry, but these words seemed to stick with me the most:

... if I'm honest, there's quite a bit of fear
To sit here ... and really hear You

What will You ask of me?
Will I listen to Your voice when You speak?

Help me to move, help me to see
Help me to do whatever You would ask of me
Help me to go, God help me to stay
… And I know that You're faithful
But I can barely breathe, God help me.

~ God Help Me by Plumb ~

So 2018, I’m INTENTIONALLY choosing to read, watch, say, and do things that point me to the only One who should be in control: King Jesus.

Help Me to Sing Hallelujah

Two weeks ago I wrote down my prayer for this school year:

"He must become greater and greater and I must become less and less." 

Can you believe that it has been just 14 days and I have already fallen away from that?

I can.

It's what happens when I let the situations and circumstances in daily life distract me from what is truly important. I have let current circumstances leave me frustrated and angry. As I was teaching my classes today, I had this out-of-body experience where I saw how my frustration was changing how I taught and interacted with my kids, but I couldn't change my attitude ...

I had a few conversations with co-workers and friends today where I heard myself say, "I don't even know how to act like Jesus with what is happening." I don't know if I said it because I meant it or if I said it because that is what the missionary kid from Africa is supposed to say. I'd like to believe it was the first, but my gut tells me it was the second.

Since I have been fuming for days and choosing to turn to Netflix rather than Jesus, I decided that maybe I ought to spend some time with Jesus to see if He could shine some light on why these first two weeks have been really difficult. On why I have questioned my career choice. On why I have questioned if I ever really was called to education.

After spending the last two hours with Jesus, letting the Holy Spirit groan for me because I don't have any words, He has not only shed some light on the situation - He has given me a renewed purpose and passion. And because I process best when I write (five journal pages later) ... you get to read this post.

I use music/worship songs to cry out to Jesus. And the Lord often uses music to speak back to me. Four songs came on my play list that just captured everything that I needed to hear/say:

1) You are For Me by Kari Jobe. Reminding me that He sees me and that He will never forsake me in my weakness.
2) Savior King by Hillsong Worship. Letting me say that He is my King. I love Him. I worship Him. I give my life to honor Him.
3) Hosanna by Hillsong Worship. Asking that I have selfless faith. Asking for Him to heal my heart, open my eyes, and to show me how to love.
4) Hallelujah by Bethany Dillon. Giving me a new purpose: "Whatever is in front of me, help me sing Hallelujah. Whatever is in front of me, I choose to sing Hallelujah."

I have listened to the fourth song on repeat for the last hour. You should listen to it too.
Click here to listen on YouTube.

I have found that when I groan to Jesus, He groans back. This is what He told me today:

How could you let your current situation take away from what I did on the cross? 

Ouch. 

I'd like to blame my flesh and sinful nature. But I can't. I realize once again that I have missed my purpose and mission. Instead of letting these crazy first days be an opportunity to be His light and point to the cross, I let these first few days turn me into a Pharisee where I was the one yelling 'Crucify Him.' 

Asking for forgiveness is not something I am good at. 

But Lord, this doesn't explain why everything has happened?! And then the Holy Spirit takes me back to Acts 5, page 1841 in my Bible, where I have "*Satan attacks the church from the inside!" written in the margins, and everything suddenly makes sense. 

My leadership team and school faculty have committed to becoming a community. Our goal for this year is to build the bridges to connect the lonely islands that we oftentimes find ourselves on in this world of education. Satan hates community. Because community develops relationships and relationships are the starting point to making disciples. Satan is attacking us from the inside because he knows what we could become together: a place that believes in and positively impacts the future generations.

So as Bethany Dillon's song starts again in speaker, my heart's prayer is simple:

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Whatever is in front of me, help me to sing Hallelujah. 

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Whatever is in front of me, I'll choose to sing Hallelujah.

Please join me in prayer as I go to battle for my co-workers and students.  

John 3:30

Tomorrow is the day. A new set of kids will walk through my classroom door.

I find myself sitting on the floor of my room, being awkwardly emotional. Probably a mixture of nerves, excitement, and the fried chicken from our faculty potluck today . . . Lots of questions running through my head: Am I the one they need? Will I be enough? Will I be able to love each of them? When will my patience run dry? Will I be able to give them new grace every day?

But as I sit here thinking, Jesus reminds me of these things: He is the one they need. He is more than enough. He will give me the love, patience, and grace that I need each day.

And so my prayer slowly is shifting away from a focus on self: “Jesus, help me” to a focus on others: “Jesus, use me to reach them.”

I think one of my favorite parts of this job is that Jesus using me looks different for every single kid. It may be a smile, a hug, an inside joke, a deep conversation, attendance to an event, sassy sarcasm, a silly note, or maybe even my love of math. I don’t know, but my hope is that I take every opportunity that I get to show His love.

I always get caught up in wanting to be the inspiring, life-altering, awesome teacher … like John Keating from Dead Poets Society. But maybe that isn’t my purpose. It isn’t about me being the best teacher. It isn’t about me having the coolest activities. It isn’t about me being organized days in advance. It isn’t about me being a PLC leader. It isn’t about me being the funny teacher. Maybe, just maybe it isn’t about me.

Okay. That isn’t a maybe. It is a fact. I have not been given the opportunity to speak life and show love to 140 new students each year because of me. This opportunity has been entrusted to me for His Kingdom.  

So if you want to join me, my heart and prayer for the 2017-2018 school year is John 3:30.

“He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.”

Apwoyo - Thank You

Since I am now back in Oklahoma, this will be my final post on the Lessons in Love learned in Gulu, Uganda. Mishana and I have each wrote out a short reflection.

Mishana's Overall Reflection:

      When Kendall asked me to write out my most memorable moment, it kind of stumped me … this has been an amazing journey with so many wonderful memories! But after giving it a lot of thought, my most memorable moment was taking that first step off the plane. The Ugandan airport was NOT what I had expected. I honestly don’t think that I had thought through what it would look like, feel like, or smell like … It was a completely new experience to step off of the plane into an airport with no air conditioning and the smell was not that of an industrial cleaned, extra sanitary facility. It was the smell of people … not a bad smell … just not the smell of the American airports that I was used to. It look much different that any American airport. There were no escaladers, not much technology, and orderly single-file lines were nonexistent! After we got our visas, it was time for Kendall and I to go out and find our driver. The fact that it was dark outside made the process of finding our driver very interesting because they all have to stand outside, holding signs. So the combination of this and the many guards with very large guns sent me over the edge! I suddenly realized that my Mom and Dad were a really long way away … many tears were shed that night! After being so sick and so ready to get off that plane, I was pretty ready to get right back on that plane and fly back to Oklahoma.

      I’m so glad that I didn’t get back on that plane … God had so much planned for me this past month. He used that initial moment of fear to teach me so much. It is so easy for us to let fear of the unknown rob us of our joy. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 became my hope and source of comfort. “Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.” God is so good and I have learned so much! I am so beyond thankful to have spent this month with the Sisters and their wonderful students.  

Kendall's Overall Reflection:

      I have already shared many of my memorable moments on the blog, so I will quickly just mention one more wonderful memory! The final night that we were in Gulu, the Sisters baked us a cake and gave us matching presents. It was so very sweet to be surprised with a goodbye gift as we were leaving that night. Those women are absolutely amazing and I am so thankful for getting to spend a month of my life with them. I will never forget them! The following picture is of that night.

      I have also shared many, many of the lessons that I have learned over the last month.  So instead of sharing another lesson, I am going to share one final thought. Last Friday, Mishana and I got to participate in the Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Jesus celebration. Basically it was an all day celebration of the calling God has given each of them. During the special mid-day mass, the Priest said something that has not left my thoughts since: “God’s love is contagious; it affects us all!” This one phrase has brought about lots of reflection in my own heart! But instead of telling you what this short phrase means to me and letting that influence you … I am going to stop and let you reflect. Maybe it will mean as much to you as it has meant to me?!

Now that you have read our short reflections, we want to now wrap up our month in Uganda with taking some time to thank some special people!

Thank YOU for reading and participating in our journey. A blog would be pointless if it had zero readers.

Thank you to those who financially supported us. This trip would not have been possible without you, literally! Your donations have changed our lives forever.

Thank you to our church families. The prayers and encouragement have meant so much! Our trip was so smooth and easy; I know this is only because we constantly were covered in prayers.

Thank you to our friends. Your support, encouragement, and love have been such a blessing.

Thank you to Pros for Africa, without your heart for Uganda and love for Sister Rosemary, we would never have had this chance.

Thank you to our families! Thank you for giving us over to God and trusting Him to take care of us half-way across the world. This month has given us a new appreciation for family. Spending time at an orphanage is very eye-opening! We love you!

Thank you to Mishana. I could not have spent (or would have wanted to spend) this last month by myself. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! It has been neat to watch God work and move in your life. You have become a dear, dear friend and I am excited to see what the future holds for our friendship!

And most importantly, we want to give all the gratitude, glory, and praise to our Heavenly Father. He has been preparing us for a long time in advance for this trip and for the many lessons and blessing over the past month. We feel so blessed to have been given this opportunity! Thank you Jesus for loving us and for choosing to use us to share that same love to the women and children in Northern Uganda.

A Kingdom Heart

It has been a blessing to have spent the last three weeks in fellowship with these Sisters. I wish I could write pages upon pages of how amazing these women are, about their different personalities, about how each one has influenced me in some way or another …  But I don’t know how to. I don’t have the right words. Nothing that I say would do them justice.

I had come here thinking and hoping that I could be blessing to the Sisters … I see now that God didn’t bring me to be a blessing but brought me to be blessed. I am learning so much! Before I came, Uncle Steve (from Guinea) encouraged me to watch and learn as much I could from the Sisters and their lifestyle. And I have tried to do just that. I have been intentional in my watching and listening. When watching, I see what a Kingdom heart is supposed to look like.

I see love. Love for God. Love for the Sisters. Love for the young women. Love for the children. Love for visitors. Love for strangers. Love for nature.

I see joy. Joy that never leaves despite the circumstance! These past few weeks have been very stressful for the Sisters, yet they are still smiling and laughing. One of the Sisters, Sr. Patricia, has been sick for many, many months but I haven’t seen her stop smiling since I arrived.

I see peace. I don’t think that I have seen any of them get in a debate or an argument since I have been here. There is only forgiveness and understanding here. No holding grudges or judgment. 

I see humility. Life is about serving God, giving Him all the glory and honor, and loving others with the same love that He shows us. The Sisters start their day with prayers and praise and then end their day with prayers and praise.  

No wonder their love and joy is beyond measure! They walk every moment of the day with Him.

But I think that the lesson that I admire more than anything is that the Sisters live in the moment, not in the past or future, but in the present. They live one moment at a time, one day at a time. No matter what obstacle comes their way, it doesn’t trip them up. They give God control and trust Him to take care of everything … I find myself either living in the future (future job, future dreams, future husband, & future children) or living in the past (mistakes & regrets). But being here has shown me that living in the past or future does nothing for His Kingdom right now.

So my challenge to myself is to: 

1. Stop worrying about what was or what will be. 

2. Trust Him. 

3. Focus on the joy of living in the right now. 

4. Share that with others.

- - - - 

Be expecting one (maybe two) more blogs before the end of our trip. Thanks for all the love and support! 

Exhaustion + Mosquitoes = HYSTERICAL!

The past few days have been pretty great (other than being sick). We are both exhausted which makes everything 20 times funnier! For example, Mishana has been singing a song for the past few days with some very interesting lyrics … she claims it is a real song, but we haven’t found it yet. .. and the tune that goes with it is pretty hilarious!

So since she has been singing that song for the past week and it is stuck in both of our heads, we decided to change up the lyrics and record our own version.

Here are the lyrics in case you don’t understand the audio:

Mosquitoes surrounding me,

Nobody in the States understands.

With them buzzing beside me,

I just wanna cry in my hands.

Stepping off the plane,

Our white girl blood made them so very glad.

Luckily, we’re not staying forever,

Or our blood would be sucked dry!

**We are both sick and we were just goofing off, so don’t critique us too harshly!**

Sick as a Dog

The past few days have been rough. Basically, I’m tossing up ALL my cookies and Mishana is coughing up her lungs … we are quite the pair! I think our adrenaline of being in Africa has run out and exhaustion has caught up with us.

Regardless, this blog is going to be pretty short for two reasons: 1) nothing different has happened and 2) I don’t feel good at all.

I would take a picture of the blue bucket that became my best friend all night long, but I decided to spare you all those details. Throwing up is never very fun, especially when your mommy is halfway across the world. Mishana is so sweet though! She was asking what she could do to help and I was like my mommy always gives me salty crackers and Sprite when I am sick … so she walked into town this morning while I was asleep to get me some. And it is the first thing that I have eaten in almost 24 hours and so far I have been able to keep it down, so please cross your fingers with me!

Other than Mishana’s cough and exhaustion, she is doing great. The prayers regarding her fear are most definitely helping! The power of prayer amazes me! But continue to pray for her in this area. She also is about to get to invest in a new set of catering students in the kitchen this week. Please pray that she will love these girls just as much as the first set of girls. It is really cool to see the difference she is making in the kitchen! Mishana is going to be missed when we leave in one week!

I’m sorry that this is so short, but I really need to go lay back down.

Current Prayer Requests:

-Speedy recovery for both of us.

-Travelers from the US are coming in this week. Pray for safety and an easy adjustment to the time change.

-Only one week left to serve. Please pray for energy and positive attitudes. 

Ducks, Smiles, and Fear

My book has been discussing how a lack of joy comes from spiritual blindness … The fact that we are surrounded by God’s glory and grace in our everyday routines, but we totally miss it. We miss out on the joy, His joy, of each moment. And the answer to this blindness is to “have eyes of faith and lips of thanks.” We have to LOOK for the “beautiful in the ugly” and give thanks for it. The author says: God is joy. Giving thanks is the way into joy because thanksgiving is the way we enter into God.

The author gives personal testimony of how stopping in the midst of stressful situations to find the “beauty” and give thanks for it has radically changed her perspective on life.  This book has got me looking for the small things that I often times totally overlook. Today, I was watching a few ducks and ducklings (is that what the babies are called?) drink water from a mud puddle. At first I was like, “that’s kind of nasty … they are drinking mud water.” But then I stopped and tried to look for the beauty in the situation and my whole perspective changed. No longer was I looking at WHAT the ducks were drinking, but I was watching HOW they were drinking. And it is fascinating! I don’t have the words to describe what it looked like, but it was unique and in its own way … beautiful.

And I know that the story of the ducks is random and may not mean much to you, but this is what God is doing in my heart. He is beginning to reveal to me (through my book, Scripture, and my surroundings) that there is beauty and joy in everything. I just have to slow down, intentionally look for it, and then give Him thanks for it. Joy has been a struggle for me for I don’t know how long now … who knew that I would need to come to Gulu, Uganda to discover some of the secrets to His joy?

Our time here is beginning to come to a close, we have less than 2 weeks left. I’m not going to lie some days that decreasing number sounds great, but then at other times that decreasing number makes me sad. Today is one of those days that it makes me sad. I know that I have mentioned time and time again how I am a secondary education major and that little kids exhaust me … but I am going to miss them so much! My “teacher’s” desk sits in between a table of all boys and a table of all girls. It is hysterical to see how the phrase “boys will be boys and girls will be girls” runs true no matter where you are! But I’m not going to lie; the boy’s table has stolen my heart. There are two little boys that sit at the end of the table nearest to my chair and they are precious. Reckless, wild, and loud … but they have sweet smiles that would melt any heart of stone.

Shame plays a large role in the classroom management here in Uganda. I’m not going to say that this approach is wrong because it has obviously worked for many, many years. But I do struggle with it. Students are getting praised for success and laughed at for failure. It hurts my heart for these 4 year olds to not be getting high fives and thumbs up for their effort. It is amazing how much difference that a little encouragement can make. When I started in the class 2 weeks ago, one little boy didn’t write much and rarely finished his assignments. And I have made sure that I go over and beyond in my encouragement and praise of his effort for the past 2 weeks. Today (only 2 weeks later) he is finishing before most students and writing his letters as perfectly as a 4 year old can. And he always comes to my desk to show me his completed work. My favorite part of the day is probably watching his face light up with joy when I give him a high five for the good job! I am going to miss that smile.

While I am enjoying learning and observing the education system here in Uganda, Mishana is still flourishing in the kitchen with the catering students. It is pretty cool to hear about the conversations, the laughter, and the memories that she is making every single evening before we go to bed. It is apparent that God is working through her to reach out and love on those girls. And like every situation, when good is happening and God is at work … Satan is doing his best to destroy it. I won’t share too many personal details, but the past two nights Satan has been attacking Mishana by filling her mind with fear of her safety. Last night, she woke me up so that we could have a time of prayer and she slept the entire night with her bedroom light on. Satan has a lot of influence on Mishana’s thoughts as soon as it gets dark outside … please begin and continue to pray for her. While this is very scary and serious, Mishana is encouraged to know that she is making enough of a difference here in Gulu for Christ that Satan is trying to get in the way. 

And our second prayer request is that we are exhausted. Please pray for energy and awareness for the next 11 days! 

Beauty from Within

I have wanted to get my hair braided since I met Sister Rosemary in November and today we got it done! One of the trades that is taught here on campus is hairdressing. So we decided to let the ladies practice on our hair today!

Here in Uganda, a majority of the woman have little to no hair. I am unsure why this is the case … but as I was sitting there watching the ladies braid our hair, I thought about how much hair means to us in the United States. We spend so much time fixing our hair every day, making sure it looks good as we walk out the door. Hair is one of the many things that we let define us in the States. I feel like we, as women, think that hair is what makes us beautiful. But as I sit here and watch these women that are almost bald; I see what real beauty is.

Beauty is the giggles that they give each other as they try to manage our crazy, long hair. Beauty is the smiles that spread across their face when you make eye contact with them in the mirror. Beauty is their excitement when they see how much you love what they did. Beauty comes from the heart and it overflows out of these young women. This inner beauty that they have is captivating! The world has brainwashed us into thinking that outward beauty is all that matters … but I am here to tell you that the outside doesn’t mean anything compared to the inside. These girls understand that there is more to a person than what they look like. I hope that one day my giggles, my smiles, and my heart will be as beautiful as these ladies are to me.   

I’m not saying to go shave all your hair off because I’m definitely not going to do that. I just want to encourage you to spend time fixing your heart as well as your hair every morning. Because when it is all said and done I would rather be known for my joy and love for the Lord than to be known for my hair.

------

On a different note, I want to take a little bit of time and talk about the weather and food! I noticed that I hadn’t talked about those yet and some people have been asking.

Weather: We have been very blessed to not have too many hot days. May through August, I believe, is what they call the rainy season. This means that it could rain randomly ANYTIME! And it has. But I am not complaining! The Sisters keep telling us that we would have died from the heat during the months of December, January, and February. So I have made a mental note to not travel to Uganda during those three months! As for temperatures I would say that we are in the high 80s to high 90s every day. Most evenings, Mishana and I will wear a light jacket (partly for the breeze and partly as a mosquito stopper).

Food: The ‘fillers’ at every meal are either rice or pasta. And beans or ‘greens’ are the accompanying dishes. Mishana and I definitely are rice and beans fans! We also eat a lot of potatoes. Mishana has been in the kitchen most of the mornings, so she is beginning to get a feel for how they cook here. When we get back to Oklahoma, you need to ask her to cook for you! At breakfast, we typically have bread and mango marmalade. I’m not going to lie … I love the mango marmalade! But I don’t think that customs would be okay with me bringing it back to Oklahoma. We also have tortilla-ish things with some of our meals. They are basically tortillas yet they are very, very oily. But I think that Mishana is having more and more influence in the kitchen because each day they get a little less oily. As for fruit, we eat a lot of pineapple, mango, and bananas. All are delicious and taste much better than anything you can get in the grocery store in the United States! Everything here is 100% natural; I can’t tell a difference in taste, but I know that I feel healthier.

That about sums it up for the weather and food … Please message me if I have skipped over something that you want to know more about! As the days continue to have the same routine it becomes harder for me to come up with different topics to write about.

Current Prayer Requests:

- Mishana and the ladies in the kitchen! God is at work; please pray that she will find the right words in every situation.

- I woke up not feeling well and today has been a struggle. I am hoping that I am just tired and not getting sick. Please pray that I will bounce back quickly. 

Refreshing Weekend

I’m really not sure what to share for today’s blog. Honestly, we haven’t done very much in the last two days. Weekends are for relaxing! Which is very nice; we don’t feel like we do a whole lot here but we sure do come back to our hut exhausted every night.

We have had some hysterical moments, adventurous moments, and heart-to-heart moments in the past few days. Our hysterical moments involve Mishana and the chickens. Yesterday morning, Mishana was in the kitchen (upstairs! In the house!) and the rooster just walked right on in. Mishana told me that there was some chaos and loud clucking in the attempt of one of the students trying to get the rooster out of the kitchen … But a few minutes later, while still upstairs setting the table, Mishana heard the rooster make one REALLY LOUD noise and then she heard nothing. She didn’t think much about it … until she went to the downstairs kitchen and noticed rooster feathers EVERYWHERE! The hysterical part of this story was later that night when another rooster walked into the dining room. Since the Sisters were in the middle of their evening prayer, Mishana was like “Hurry! Help me get the chicken outside before the Sisters see it and kill it again!” After about 10 minutes of trying to scare the chicken out of the house, we finally succeeded! You should have seen Mishana’s face; she was pretty proud of the fact that she had saved that chicken’s life … Despite the fact that she was sad at the slaughter of the rooster, it didn’t bother her much that we had chicken for lunch. HEHEHEHE!

As for our adventurous moment, Mishana and I walked to town by ourselves today. Other than the cars and motorcycles being a tad bit reckless, we had a very nice walk. We had hoped to find some tourist/souvenir shops but we had no luck. We did go to the supermarket though! Yes, you are right, it really isn’t that adventurous, but it was fun to experience life in Gulu without a guide.

But my favorite parts of this weekend have been the heart-to-heart conversations that Mishana and I have had. We have had much more time together to just sit and chat in the past two days then we have the whole two weeks we have been here. I think that we have talked about everything! Sometimes I feel like we are just having one really long sleepover … but what I love more than anything about Mishana is that everything always goes back to Christ. Regardless of what we are talking about: boys, cooking, books, weddings, movies, music, marriage, Pinterest, Facebook, dating, forgiveness, joy, college, classes, apartments, cleaning, lizards, shoes, bracelets, and so much more. It is so refreshing to be with a girl who loves Jesus so much!! It is really cool to discuss what God is revealing to us each and every day. I know that we are here in Gulu to serve the Sisters, young women, and children. But I also know that this month is about us challenging and loving each other in every situation.

Our Current Prayer Requests:

-          Energy, smiles, and patience as we begin another week with the children in the Daycare.

-          Safe travels for our friends that left for Moyo this afternoon.

-          That our hearts and attitudes will be in a place where we hear His direction.

Reflections in Atiak

Yesterday morning when we arrived at breakfast, Sister Rosemary invited us to travel to Atiak with her. Atiak is the location of the second St. Monicas campus. The drive there was pleasant and relaxing. God has totally been looking out for Mishana and I. Each and every day that we are supposed to travel, He sends rain to make the trips cooler. We are very, very thankful for His many blessings!

After arriving in Atiak, we were just in time for the midmorning dancing! IT WAS AWESOME! I wish that I was semi talented in that area … I will upload pictures of the dancing on Facebook later, so be sure to check them out! The cutest part of the whole dancing episode was when Sister Rosemary joined in with the girls. Her love for people and her love for life are CONTAGIOUS! It brings a smile to my face just to think back on her dancing out there. Oh, and she got Mishana to dance with her. It was pretty neat but that white girl ain’t got no rhythm! But I was so proud of her for putting herself out there!

On the way back from Atiak, Mishana and I were attempting to make pop tab bracelets in the car … Not our best idea! We got very, very car sick. And it ended up lasting for the rest of the day even after we got back on solid ground. Let’s just say that we won’t be trying to make bracelets in the car EVER AGAIN!

While here at St. Monicas, we are helping in the daycare during the morning classes. Mishana is the “Top Class” which is the oldest students (probably 5-6 years old) and I am in the “Middle Class” with (3-4 year olds). People, there is a reason that I am a Secondary Mathematics Major … but I am still learning a lot about classroom management and interacting with students.

Today as I was sharpening my 50^th pencil, I was reminded of the book I am reading “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp. I am only on chapter two but I was reminded of a section that discussed how we are blinded and distracted from the everyday gifts from God because we are stuck in our routines. Ann encourages the reader through her own experiences to sit back, be aware, open our eyes to His gifts, and THANK HIM FOR THOSE! So as I was sitting there sharpening my pencil, I did just that. I thanked Him for the opportunity to get to sit in a classroom with 45+ children who were writing down their numbers and letters. Thanked Him for the laughter, joy, and giggles coming from those sweet little kids. Thanked Him for all the snotty, muddy hugs that I have received. Yes, I am overwhelmed and exhausted by the end of the day from all the jumping, pulling, grabbing, running, and yelling … BUT I really do love these kids and am so very grateful for this experience.

It has been really neat to watch Mishana interact with the young ladies and children here. I am pretty proud of her willingness to get up early in the morning and cook breakfast with Rachel and Asunta every morning. I can’t wait to see how Mishana will use these mornings to spread His love.

Speaking of Mishana, I have asked her to share on the blog some of her thoughts and reflections on what God is doing in her heart. She says, “The moment that I stepped off the plane and felt that hot Ugandan air was the moment that fear stepped in. And I have found that every day all I can do is trust Him and let Him guide me one day at a time. I am amazed at how different the pace of life is over here. There is no planning, no agenda, no schedule … it has been an adjustment! But my daily devotional has been discussing the importance of drawing near to Him and resting in His love each and every day. It is a challenge to let go of control and lean on His love, but I go to bed every night with a smile on my face and thankful that He is holding me in the palm of His hand.”

We are doing well! Thanks for all the prayers! 

Here are our current requests:

-          A volunteer team just arrived today, please pray that they will be the hands and feet of Christ while here for the next 2 weeks.

-          Physical and emotional health of the Sisters on campus. I am amazed at their dedication to their work!

-       That Mishana and I will continue to be open to His directions! 

True Love – Mishana’s Manly Manuel

Oh guys, I can’t even begin to write this blog without cracking up … Mishana and I are sitting in the living room of our hut IN TEARS from laughter in remembrance of manly Manuel! Or at least we think that is what his name was.

Well, it all started one day ago on our way back from Moyo. We stopped in Admujani (I think) to eat lunch with Sister Mary. And somehow Manuel ended up riding home with us. So Mishana and I volunteered to sit in the back of the van and let our guest have the middle seat since he was friends with our driver, James. Little did we know that he was going to be more interested in Mishana than anyone else in the car …

Manuel was very proud of his camera phone. So he was showing it off to Mishana and asked to take her picture. Mishana was like “Umm … No, no thanks.” But apparently no means yes in Uganda because he snapped her picture anyway. He then took a picture of me, but it was obvious that he didn’t like it as much. [Which I am totally okay with!] So he turned back around and we thought that maybe now he would leave us alone … NOPE! He turned around after finding a Brazilian model in his photos on his phone and showed it to Mishana and told her, “You look just like her!” Of course, Mishana was trying to be polite and culturally respectful and it was HILARIOUS!

The best part of the entire 3 hour car ride with this man was when he turned around and asked Mishana for her American phone number. At this point, I had to look out the window because I didn’t want to laugh in front of him. But he kept persisting for a number so Mishana turns to me and asks, “Do I give him my number?”  I was like, ABSOLUTELY NOT! [I cannot believe she even asked me!] So I saved her and made some comment about how expensive it is to call America. And he said, “I would sell all my land for you!” AT THIS POINT, I LOST IT! I completely had to turn around to get under control. And by now, it was just so funny that I decided to sit back and watch it all unfold … Mishana was on her own and I was free to enjoy the show.

Mishana thoughts at this exact moment were: “Oh Lord, help me come up with something to say. PLANE RIDE! PLANE RIDE! Kendall … How long was our plane ride?” It was obvious that she too mortified to even come up with a subject that made sense to change the topic … But I was having too much fun watching to save her again. So I just pretended to listen to my music for a little while longer. But he finally did turn around, probably because she wasn’t making much sense. And who wants a wife that doesn’t make any sense?

And then you should have seen the look I got. It said, “I cannot believe you didn’t say anything to help me out there!” But I was laughing too hard to care that she hated me in that moment. I then taught her the trick of pretending to be asleep … so we laid there [I slept; she pretended] for about an hour. And then after being awake for a few minutes, I decided that I might as well go back to sleep since there was nothing else to do. But she wouldn’t have it! She was practically on hands and knees BEGGING me to stay awake just in case he were to turn around again.

But she was lucky and he fell asleep and didn’t bother her anymore. I wish I could have gotten it all on tape to share with ya’ll today! We haven’t laughed so hard about anything EVER!

… I’m not sure that she has forgiven me yet. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

- - - - 

But on a more serious note, today has been one of our best days in reference to serving. We began our day in Mass here on the campus’s chapel. The young ladies that we are surrounded by have some of the most beautiful voices in the world! Our priest here discussed Matthew 5:13-16, explaining how we are to be the salt and light here on Earth; a good challenge for both of us as we began our day.

Instead of giving a summary of the details of our day, I am going to briefly discuss each of our favorite memories of today:

Mishana’s favorite part of today was speaking to her father on Skype. In reflection over the past few days at the orphanage, Mishana has just been expressing to me how thankful she is to have a mother and father how love her so much. It totally puts our relationship with family into perspective when you see 75+ children without. Michelle and Shane Ellison, you are loved!

My favorite part of today was learning how to make a bracelet out of pop tabs with Sister Rosemary and teaching Sister Asunta some basic computer skills. It wasn’t the bracelet or the teaching; it was the one-on-one time I got to spend with both of these incredible women. I am learning so much about encouragement, joy, and love!

Current Prayer Requests:

-I think we are on the final stages of the respiratory virus, but prayers and more prayers are appreciated!

-That the relationships we are making will continue to blossom with ease.

-Volunteer medical team arrives in the next few days; pray that we can enjoy their presence but also remember that we are here to serve the Sisters and young women of Gulu. 

Miracles in Moyo

On Saturday morning, we were invited to travel to Redeemer Children’s Home (Orphanage) in Moyo which is run my Sister Pasqua. It isn’t often that visitors get to travel to Moyo to spend a few days with the children because the trip is long. So we began the journey at around 1pm on Saturday with our driver, James, Sister Pasqua, and Sister Florence. The total time with a couple of stops was about 7 hours long.

When pulling up to the orphanage we were greeted with a song from the children. It was pretty amazing to step out of the van and have 25+ kids singing, hugging us, and shaking our hands. We were quickly showed to our room where Sister Pasqua let us freshen up before dinner at 9pm. 

That next morning, we attended 2^nd Mass with Sister Pasqua at 9:30am. I really don’t know how to describe my experience, but I know that I will never forget it. It has been a very long time since I sat in a service where every seat was full and people had to stand. Since 2^nd Mass is in English, it was not difficult to follow the order of worship. The sermon discussed the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians. Not only was this service fascinating to observe, but it was also very applicable to my own life. It is truly amazing how God can speak to me through so many different avenues.

After Mass, we visited the Sacred Heart Convent. This Convent is the starting point for girls in training where they begin the five year process to becoming a Sister. It was a beautiful campus with such beautiful girls ready to follow the calling that God has placed on their lives. After returning to the orphanage, we ate lunch and had the Sunday afternoon nap. I thought that only Oklahomans did that … apparently not! After a quick nap, I awoke to go play with the children. It didn’t feel right to waste the few hours that God had allowed me to be with these kids. Let me tell you, I should have gotten up earlier!! Those kids have moved me in ways that I can’t even express. How they have joy, happiness, and a love for life in the midst of having no family amazes me. My family is my life and I don’t think that I would have the same joy and laughter that every single one of these kids did.

After playing a few games with the kids, I sat down in a big circle with all of them and learned each of their names: Precious, Mercy, Madela, Betty, Jaqueline, Antoinetta, Annrietta, Lucy, Isaac, Patience, Winnie, Sam, Alfred, Gladys, Sandy, Elizabeth, Fancy, Harold, Patricia, Susan, Paul, Peter, Moses, and Benedict. 30 minutes to memorize names and faces that I will never forget!

Around 5pm, we headed to another Sacred Heart Convent campus, which housed the girls that were on the final stage of the process. These women, again, were absolutely lovely. The young girl that was giving us a tour took us to the chapel and had us pick one piece of paper that was supposed to represent the gift and fruit from the Holy Spirit. (I didn’t follow everything she said, but it was symbolic of Pentecost and the Holy Spirit ascending on the apostles.) My gift was the Gift of Council and my fruit was the Fruit of Modesty. Despite the fact that I didn’t really understand, it was a very neat experience.

We next went to the Baby’s Home, which is the orphanage in town that is for children from birth to 5 years old. I have no words to explain the experience other than I am sitting here writing this with tears rolling down my face. My heart breaks at the thought of it, but I am also so blessed to have been in the presence of these children for a few short minutes. There was a baby there that was less than a week old; her mother had died in childbirth. She was barely bigger than my hand … Yet every single one of these beautiful children had a smile on their face. We passed out some candy and instead of indulging in their candy they would take it out of their mouths and offer to share with me. Could they be any more perfect? One little girl, Gloria, didn’t let go of me the entire time we were there. I want more than anything to go back, pick her up, and take her home with me. I want to bring them all back with me, from the little girl less than a week old to the boys and girls that are in secondary school.

Mishana and I laid in bed that night just at a loss for words … Why did we get families and not these kids? How is that we get love from our parents each and every day when most of these kids lost their mothers in childbirth? These kids have impacted my life more than I will ever be able to communicate and all I know is that I can’t sit back and do nothing. God has put a special place in my heart for orphans and adoption. I don’t know what it will look like in my life, but I know that I will spend my life serving Him in this area.

As I sit here thinking about how much I love these kids and want to take care of them after only knowing them for a few short hours, I think of the love that Christ has for me -- the love that He has for all of these orphans in Moyo, in Uganda, in Africa, on Earth. It totally puts a new perspective on His love when you walk away from your world of comfort and visit those in need. I don’t want to give a lecture, but what are we doing with our lives? If you are reading this, I challenge you to take a step back, evaluate your heart, and look at your life. Are we sharing His love? Are we following His commands? Are we a reflection of Him in everything that we do?

I sit here ashamed of my selfishness.

We are now back in Gulu and so much more happened over the last few days. But nothing seems to compare to the special experience we had with these children. The Sisters that we are spending time with are truly angels on Earth … I am humbled to get to spend my days with them, to learn from them, to absorb their joy, and to observe the amazing way that God is using each and every one of them.

“Keep Changing the World” by MIKESCHAIR just came on my playlist. It is pretty fitting to this blog, check it out!

Current Prayer Requests:

-Mishana is getting better, but still not at 100% yet. Please keep her recovery in your prayers!

-A willingness to be flexible and available to do whatever is asked or needed of us.

-Energy – the time change and heat adjustment are both still taking a toll on us.

-Sister Rosemary, all the Sisters, and the work they are doing here in Uganda!

The Wonders of Raide

The hut that we are staying in has two bedrooms, one bathroom, and a small living room area. It really is nice! We are very blessed to have this much room for a month. The neatest thing about this hut though is the fact that it is made from plastic bottle bricks. The Sisters, ladies, and children that live on campus collect all the plastic bottles, fill them with dirt, and then create a mortar to make bricks. Not only is this incredibly resourceful! It also makes these huts much cooler in temperature. Very, very clever!

Unfortunately, our hut is not lizard proof. And if you know me, you know that I am terrified of lizards! But praise the Lord for Raide, it has become my best friend (thank you mom for telling me to get some!). Although the can says for spiders and scorpions … it also works on lizards when applied in large amounts!

Of course, Mishana has had to be my lizard eliminator because I keep tweaking out. Yes, I know that it is just a lizard, but when you are scared of something … you are scared of it! After an eventful few hours throughout the day trying to kill this thing, we finally succeeded! And let’s just say that poison may be a slow and painful way to die … Mishana felt bad for the lizard while I was singing and dancing and ever so thankful that it was beginning to die. Yes, I am heartless when it comes to lizards and I have no guilt or shame in that! I believe I started singing a song from Wicked, the Broadway show, “HE’S DEAD. THE SCARIEST LIZARD THERE EVER WAS … IS DEAD.”

Even though Mishana was sad that the lizard died a painful death, we are both glad that we can now enter our bathroom again. It would have been a long month because neither of us were willing to enter the room with the lizard.

Yes, I know that all of you are laughing … especially when you see the pictures because he is about 2 inches long. But this was a very serious matter! And we would appreciate your prayers that the lizards would no longer enter our hut. 

Travels!

The two day journey from Oklahoma City to Entebbe is finally done! Both of us being totally exhausted and sick throughout the flights did not help the long 18+ hours in the air go by any faster. On our flight from Oklahoma City to Atlanta, I almost lost Mishana! (Let me tell ya folks, traveling with a respiratory virus is not the best idea.) While we were beginning to land, Mishana almost passed out, literally. It was pretty terrifying to watch all the color drain from her face and her eyes roll back into her head. Let’s just say that I had a minor freak out because I had no idea what I was going to do if she passed out, especially considering the fact we had less than 30 minutes to make our connecting flight to Amsterdam. But luckily, she ended up being okay.  THANK GOODNESS!

Atlanta has a crazy airport! I mean we had to ride a train to get to our terminal area. It was crazy! And I believe we were the last people on the plane …. The cabin door literally closed like 10 minutes after we had taken our seats. If you know Mishana and I at all, you would know that was a very stressful few minutes! Despite the stressful beginning, this flight ended up being the best flight in regards to sickness. Both of us were 100% fine throughout the entire flight.

After arriving in Amsterdam, all I heard about for our 2 hour layover was how good Mishana’s coffee was. No joke. 2 hours of “My coffee was really good!” Needless to say, it was about 2am Oklahoma time so we were pretty out of it. And when we are exhausted all I do is laugh and all Mishana does is repeat the phrase of how good her coffee was.

The flight to Entebbe was pretty awful. Not only were we on the very last row of the airplane (right next to the bathrooms) but this is the flight where I got very sick … throwing up is never fun. Yuck! After landing in Entebbe, the line for the Visa was interesting … I had forgotten that Africans don’t really follow the ‘standing in line’ rule. After collecting our baggage, we headed toward the door. AND MISHANA WAS FREAKING OUT! She turned to me with a very serious face and said, “I am NOT walking out those doors until we see Sister Rosemary!!” It was all I could do to not start dying laughing … I have never seen this girl so serious in my life. Turns out after dumping our luggage a couple times, our driver was at the window holding our sign: “ECU Students for St. Monica’s.”

After getting 8 pieces of luggage into a tiny car, we drove 40km to Kampala, the capitol of Uganda. Here we stayed at a hotel (hostel) that was run by the local nuns. It was very nice place and we were so very thankful to finally get some sleep!

The next day … we got to experience what it is like to go car shopping in Uganda. Similar to the States, is the fact that car dealers are always trying to rip you off and take all your money. Then that evening, we had a wonderful visit with Sister Rosemary’s sister (by birth) in her home. Here we had our first taste of Ugandan food and it was pretty good! [Mishana may not agree, lol] We had sauce that was similar to a favorite of mine while in Guinea: Mafa Haka Woosa (Not sure on that spelling!) So good!

The next morning we experienced a shopping mall in Uganda and our first supermarket, where it is normal to be searched and wanded by security … Security from terrorists is a very serious matter here in Uganda. I’m thankful for the security, but it will take time to get adjusted to it. After our shopping experience, we began the 6+ hour drive to Gulu where Sister Rosemary’s school is located. Along the route, it was incredible to look out the window and just watch everyday life. The smells of market (raw fish and meat) brought back many memories from my childhood in Guinea. It is weird how our nose remembers things that our minds have already forgotten.

Along our route to Gulu, we stopped to get some grilled bananas and grasshoppers to snack on! The grasshoppers were DELICIOUS! They tasted like salty potato chips! The bananas were good too, but not as tasty as the grasshoppers.

But even better than the yummy grasshoppers was the scenery surrounding the Nile. I had no idea that the Nile ran into Uganda. It was absolutely gorgeous and took me back to the Old Testament book of Exodus when Moses turned the water into blood … I wonder if the water turned into blood all the way to Uganda? Regardless, I am blown away by the force and beauty of the river. And it would also be a really cool river to go rafting or canoeing on!

Monkeys! There were baboons sitting on the road! WOW! I know that I have seen monkeys many times, even owned a monkey, but it is still so cool to see them! And of course, we got some good pictures!

So now we are in Gulu at St. Monica’s School for girls. Mishana and I are staying in a hut in Banana Village, which is a section on campus. We are right next to the daycare and we were blessed to be serenated by all the children this morning. Absolutely incredible to see the joy and energy that all these little kids have despite their conditions. I look forward to every morning that I have to join in the singing and dancing before classes start. All the kids wanted to hold Mishana and I’s hands and since we only have two hands, we had little kids holding us all the way up arms. I HAVE NEVER FELT SO LOVED IN MY LIFE!

Stay tuned for my next blog which will discuss the wonders of Raide!

Current Prayer Requests:

 -Mishana is still fighting her sickness. Prayers for speedy recovery!

-We will continue to adjust to the time and climate change.

-Sister Rosemary has a lot on her plate right now! Prayers for peaceful sleep tonight!

-The young women are not as receptive to us as the children are; please pray that we may break those boundaries.